Thursday, 15 March 2018

Friday, 29 December 2017

Funny Short Replies Guy

Funny Short Replies Guy

On WhatsApp he is typing messages now,
But not for you.
Of course he is busy, he told you.
He is busy, busy only, only for you.
You're special what?
Look, he is taking pictures and sent them.
Surprise… not to you.
You are watching he is online and alive.
You angry what?

You just patiently waiting for him to reply your messages
That you have sent nervously
Arranging every word carefully.
Long funny sentences.

New year then came you got "OK" and "LOL".
Because that’s what you are:
The title of this poem, the short-replies guy.
You go to the corner of your room and whisper to the walls:
"I hope you will remember me when you are busy…
But if you could not do that, maybe
Just remember me when you are lonely…"
You stupid what?
It's like you are dreaming but your eyes are open
It's like you can be happy but you choose not to
What are you doing there?
Feeling unworthy, filthy, wrong and ugly.
But that’s what happened that's it.
And there's nothing you can do,
When he is just not that in to you.
(Nuril, 29/12/17)

Tuesday, 26 December 2017

The Case of Missing Somebody

The Case of Missing Somebody
i walk oh so slow in the rain
how lucky is your friend,
enjoying your laughter, same space, same air
inches from you.
i had the chance to touch your face once,
tracing the map of your past.
your eyes, they are my happiness
and you know i know what heaven is, it's your smile.
knowing you,
my ego is dying a slow peaceful death
no more walls, no more shields on my soul.
i fold my ego and made it into paper planes
i swear i was flying.
i love you,
i think i want you to stay with me.
but now it's raining
slow.
(Nuril, 23/12/17)



Sudden Feeling


"Have you ever like, you are struck by sudden feeling, a feeling that you can’t elaborate with words. It just came, and very random, maybe because you are thinking about something but too embarrassed to admit it, and suddenly tears just fall from your eyes? You just wanna say that you are very lonely, and tired of rejections, but it is also not true because you like loneliness, it is your best buddy and rejection is not as bad company. But you just feel sad out of nowhere, and then you wipe your eyes and smile. Because at the same time you feel that it is also beautiful. The loneliness, the incapability, the sadness, they are very beautiful. Have you ever felt like that?"

Monday, 6 November 2017

Melancholia

It has been long time since the last time I took time for myself and did nothing but sat down and thinking about stuff or nothingness or felt about something or nothing in the same time. 
Since I came to U.K., everyday is different. There is always particular thing that I did. And alongside finding a new side of myself, I'm also losing a lot of sides which I hold dear for a very long time. Today a little piece of that came back. After buying ticket to go back to Norwich I just sat outside the King Cross train station on the very cold sunny day, maybe last sunny autumn day this year, I believe it was 6 degree. The sun fell onto my face and everything and I talked to myself that I got myself back together. I didn't recall whether or not I was smiling, but my true self is not a smiler that much. I just sat there and eating the melancholia of my own, things that people wouldn't understand (and I will not explain), until a girl came to me and asked for a lighter and I was taken aback. I said i don't have it, but then I told her to wait, I checked my bag and surprisingly found one. I gave the lighter to her. I remember how I used to be a smoker, and even I've quit still I bring the lighter with me, I don't know why. I think that's beautiful when someone ask a lighter from you.
I have been feeling that I'm not really myself recently. But today a little bit of me came back and I welcomed him. It's time.