Melancholia

It has been long time since the last time I took time for myself and did nothing but sat down and thinking about stuff or nothingness or felt about something or nothing in the same time. 
Since I came to U.K., everyday is different. There is always particular thing that I did. And alongside finding a new side of myself, I'm also losing a lot of sides which I hold dear for a very long time. Today a little piece of that came back. After buying ticket to go back to Norwich I just sat outside the King Cross train station on the very cold sunny day, maybe last sunny autumn day this year, I believe it was 6 degree. The sun fell onto my face and everything and I talked to myself that I got myself back together. I didn't recall whether or not I was smiling, but my true self is not a smiler that much. I just sat there and eating the melancholia of my own, things that people wouldn't understand (and I will not explain), until a girl came to me and asked for a lighter and I was taken aback. I said i don't have it, but then I told her to wait, I checked my bag and surprisingly found one. I gave the lighter to her. I remember how I used to be a smoker, and even I've quit still I bring the lighter with me, I don't know why. I think that's beautiful when someone ask a lighter from you.
I have been feeling that I'm not really myself recently. But today a little bit of me came back and I welcomed him. It's time.