Some Raisin in the Sun

Anyway, I finally got a proper sleep yesterday night. By proper I mean a night time sleep for few hours. I haven't got any for weeks. Thats why this morning I cleaned my room, including mopping the floor and scrubbing the bathroom, chasing the ghost away. My laundry piled on the corner and I remember there were days where I didn't go out at all and didn't eat any. This is very non-understandable even for myself. I think maybe there's something wrong about me but i dont know what. Yesterday I finished a short story again which was not a short story but a fragment of something longer. The finishing short story was a big deal for me because basically I couldn't write one, let alone in English. So, when it finished I was relieved. I've done three, seven to go. 
This noon I decided to go out of my room for once to feel the scorching heat of Tangerang summer. It was bloody hot I could fry bacon on my oily face. Under the daylight I just realized I have became so thin. God you can hold my arm and snap it easily. There's nothing much left with me except nearly empty pack of cigarette which I save for some special occasion. I let myself under the sun for hours. Just walking around the dusty roads with angkots come and go. I said to myself, l am a raisin in the sun. I will crumpled and dried. And everything is doesn't matter because I don't. I don't matter. Just some raisin in the sun.