I haven't eaten or slept very well these past few days, or perhaps a week, I don't remember. I feel my body and everything is deteriorating. But what's that supposed to mean? I don't really find any meaningful thing in anything anymore like everything is just something surreal but not in an artsy or good way. But even surrealistic has meaning, no I don't find it that way, I just don't know how to describe it. And in time like this, I feel like you know, jumping out of a window. But that's the problem is I have to find that kind of window somewhere. So I decided to walk out of my room. This evening was raining. But not too big of a rain. I took out my anti-wind jacket and I walked. It's my first walk for days. It was then becoming really raining but I kept walking. I don't really mind to get wet. I walked for about 40 minutes or so, I don't know, just walking around to see people under the rain. I then find this old man. Perhaps he is a parking guy, but very old. Like maybe 70. Very thin also. He's eating some very cheap food under an awning of a building. He ate it like it was a portion of extremely nice food. Food is always nice tho, no matter what. What I saw was I kinda like him. I stood there watching him eating his food. And I walked around the precinct just to watch him keep eating his that goddamn cheap food. I really checked what he's eating. It's like white rice with some cheap sayur and half of tiny fish. I wanna cry but I become hungry too. Maybe If I getting old I wanna be like him. Very alone and eating his food like he doesn't mind of cheap fish. So I buy some food and eat alone too.
|found this in a toilet in a hostel in Berlin.|