On a night that we never had.
When I share you my stories, it means that I trust you a lot and that you mean so much for me. But trust is easily bent. And people are gone or dying all the time. What I’m saying is we shouldn’t give our trust to anyone. Trust makes you having trust issues. But that is fine. Having issues is fine because it makes you sound like a newspaper or magazine. I mean, how cool is that being a magazine! People should only have to talk to the walls. The fact is, the wall is reliable. You well aware that they won’t answer you, so it doesn’t bother you when they do that. You can really trust them. The walls. The reason I'm saying this is that most people are busy and we are not as interested as we thought we are. Our stories are quite boring. I know my feelings are very intense, but I can’t help it. Maybe one day, I can find a friend who would like to go fishing with me or just hanging out eating nuggets in the middle of the night. That’d be fun. Oh shit! I remember I wanted to eat a cheesecake so bad. It’s been months. I should have had that for my birthday, but I was too sick to walk, and that was four months ago! I’m quite crazy if you could see it. I mean, I talk to myself a lot. Like, really a lot. You can really hear me talking from the other room as if I’m phoning someone, but really I’m just talking to myself. Sometimes I do feel very lonely tho, a lot of time actually, and when I felt that I just want to jump out of a window or that rooftop of my rent room on the third floor. Usually, I just ignored that feeling and started smoking instead. I mean, I mentioned ‘time’ quite a lot here, but from what I experienced, ‘time’ has become very irrelevant when you don’t have much. I don’t really have much now, but who cares, right? People only care about you when you die. That’s one way to get their attention. But I’m not much of an attention seeker, I don’t really trust people with their attention, it could be fake. Wow, I’m very negative now, but so what? It’s not like when I’m positive you’re going to start giving me food. That’s just a myth. People helping people only in extraordinary conditions and everything will perish into nothingness. Oh man, it’s 3 a.m. I should stop talking to myself like this. I just composed a long e-mail about things, but I’ve got nowhere to send them. I’m just saying that when I share you my stories, it means that you mean a lot for me and that I trust you the most. I should apologize to myself for seeking comfort in other people.
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