Gift

Just a bit of update because I've been spending the time sleeping. Probably this is my stress-sleeping, which for me can take up to 16-20 hrs a day.  Oh not so-Snow White. It has been raining as well in my region, very cold at a time. I'm awake just to close the window's curtain or to turn on the TV so I can listen to SpongeBob. There were some dreams but let's not get into them, I won't stop. 

Anyway, the girl that I mentee texted me saying she's sending something to my place. A gift, she said. I said okay, I'll take a gift.

The next day I changed my mind and told her that, she better cancel it if she hasn't sent it yet. 

"Why?"

"I won't be at home for a few days." I said.

She said the order has been placed and it's on its way. "If you were not home, maybe other boarders can receive it for you?" She asked. 

Nevermind, then, I said. I'll wait for it.

"Where are you going by the way?" she asked.

"Nowhere," I said. "I'm just pretending that I'm not home."

"Oh," she seemed a bit surprised.

The parcel arrived just now. It's pretty. It was an exclusive box with brown ribbon, blanketed with layers of bubble wrapper. I opened it right away and realized I have never bought or received things as aesthetic as that. It got a mug, a bag of tea, a bag of cookie, a jar of scented candle and a silver round thing (which I thought was a Christmas ornament) that turned out to be a tea infuser. Fancy. Probably pricey as well.

I ate the cookie right away and spend this whole afternoon just popping the bubble wrapper. With each of the pop I felt pleasure of the misery of being lonely. Pop, pop, pop. 

Text came in. "You received the thing?" 

It was from her.

"Just now, about to tell you," I have not been online in my whatsapp for several days and have been ignoring all the messages. "Thank you so much it was very generous of you."

"I guess it fits your personality, artsy but not too cute, I think you will like it."

"I like it alright, thanks."

"Are you drunk? Do you want me to call you?" she asked.

"It's okay thanks," I said.

"Are you sure? Let me try to call you, okay?"

"No need."

And then she called me.  And then we talked for an hour. 

"I know you wanted me to call you," she said. "But I thought you're depressed and needed a friend. You sounds fine, though."

I didn't say that I was fine. But it's been my character to maintain happy-ish speaking tone, just a habit. It was a nice companionship, we got to talk about stuffs and while talking I managed to mop the floor and really scrub the bathroom clean. By the time we finished, I've even done my groceries and washing dishes. I said wow, that really works. Like being watched by a supervisor, I suddenly became very productive.

When the phone call finished, I'm back to be alone, and that's also nice, I can go back to be depressed, popping the rest of the bubble wrap. 

Maybe I don't like people to be in my life, maybe I'm pushing people away. Just like I did. I think what she said was right, I have the tendency to like people who are not available for me because I'm not available myself.

ANyway, she should have been doing the short stories instead of trying to psychoanalize me.