Wild Duck


Wild Duck (2020)

By Nuril Basri


I think it was a very lonely night. I was on that brown couch in a backpackers' hostel not very far from the KL Sentral. It was during that Kuala Lumpur international book fair that year my publisher invited me to come. But the whole scene was very lonely for me. Not KL's fault nor my publishers'. It is always lonely for me everywhere. 

Fahmi—a sexy well-known writer in Malaysia—was on the same couch. We just chillin like bros. Fahmi borrowed my phone, and he logged in to my Grindr. I didn't do much on Grindr. I didn't know how to talk or flirt. So Fahmi told me that he would do the job and let me see if he could hook me up with someone.

"Looking for true love in Grindr," he said with his rhotacism accent. Sounded lovely to me. 

So yeah, Fahmi was really great with pick-up lines such as: 

"Do you want to see my book collection? I got plenty."


"You. And me. In bed. Fucking…" 

Reading, I mean, reading, not fucking. 

Long story short, he showed me a pic of a guy which to my standard was pretty good-looking. 

"Did you really send him my picture?" I asked Fahmi. 

"Yes, darling," he said. 

"So, he wants me?" with much disbelief. 

"He's waiting with his butt spread in Hilton's bed, only for you." 

"Jeez," I said. 

So yeah, Fahmi dressed me up, put some gel on my hair, sprayed some perfume on my crumpled shirt, and he asked me whether I jacked off that day in case I didn't have the stamina. And then he serenaded me at the Hilton hotel that night. And before we parted ways, he hugged me like I was going to go to war. 

"Success," he patted my shoulder. 


So, I was in that very clean Hilton's lobby waiting for the Grindr guy to pick me up. He said he'd come fast to fetch me. So, I waited and waited—the security men glancing at me again. I was not that filthy, but perhaps not to their liking, and I was quite suspicious with my cargo shorts. 

Someone finally approached me. "Let's go," he said. 

I was stunned for two seconds, but then I followed him. 


His room was at the top of the hotel. Extremely posh. I woah-ed, but didn't let it out of my mouth. I sat on the chair in the corner, he sat on the bed, like Fahmi said, probably preparing his ass for me. 

"I'm sorry I had to go," I said in an extremely polite tone after three minutes of silence. Boy, was he curious. "I didn't send the message; I mean in the Grindr. Sorry, it wasn't me who chatted with you, it was my friend. Sorry if you think it was some sort of a prank. But I promise it wasn't. Truth is I'm not really into sex, I don't think I can do that, that kind of sex, I mean. I'm sorry, look at my hands they're actually shaking. I'm trembling. I'm sorry, I have to go. My dick is shrinking now it's terrified." 

He tried to talk me into it. You know, seduced me to take it easy, and he would lead, if I couldn't be the top, then he would be it, etc., but I wasn't really into it. Into him, honestly. So I just left the room and took my way down. The lift took goddamn so long I almost kicked it. I heard before I left he said it's fine, what I did to him was fine. He seemed that he wasn't that hurt or angry, though. Maybe he got that a lot.



"Why you so fast?" Fahmi asked this back in the hostel. 

"I think I was being catfished," I said. "That guy doesn't look like anything of his picture." I mean, I could say bad things about the guy, I really wanted to, but I couldn't write them here because people will mark me with a lot of bla bla bla phobic kind of stuff. It was not as seen on TV kind of stuff. It's more like, this what you ordered online, and that what came kind of stuff. Just like Burger King ads as well. 

I knew that guy lied to me, and I thought I had the right to be angry, but boy, I was thinking about him desperately waiting for men to come to his expensive lair and knew that if he didn't use the fake pic, he wouldn't get laid at all. That was just very sad. It's already difficult to be gay; it's harder if you're not given the advantages in the light.


Anyway, the night was getting darker, and I was in my bunk bed already when my Grindr chimed. It was an invitation from a guy without a picture. It was eleven PM. Probably I was sort of a big-time gambler or probably just very curious. 

He said, "Do you want to come?" 

"Where to?" I asked. 

He shared his location, so I checked. Boy, was that another fancy apartment, pardon me but I forgot the name. But it was really fancy by the pic. I Googled it. 

"Nah, it's far enough," I said. I mean, I was in the hostel in a room of 20 beds. There'd be plenty of stuff to see later when boys back from partying. That's okay for me. 

"I'll get you an Uber." He said.

I thought for exactly two seconds and replied: 

"Okay then. Can do." 

That's a gentleman move, I thought. Felt like some kind of damsel when my ride came. 


I arrived at that exclusive apartment, and he was waiting in the lobby. He looked at me from bottom to top.

"Come," he said casually. I could already see his dick's line from the shorts he's wearing. Hot, I thought. There's silence in the elevator. We didn't glance at each other.

"You surprised?" he asked as we entered his unit. 

"I'm sorry I'm not Malaysian," to clarify. So, he must be some kind of hotshot here. Probably an actor or, from the look of it, a news anchor in his 40s. He looked damn handsome and well-built as well. Since I'm Indonesian, I didn't know much about the local celebrity.

"Let's do it on the sofa," he said. 

"Cool," I said. He undressed first, leaving only his brief. I started to undress as well. 

"Fix your posture," he said. 


"Fix your posture, don't look like a hunchback, I know you're not very confident," he said.

"Are we going to have sex or no?" I asked. 

He then kissed me, it was very fast. I didn't remember whether it's nice or not. He kissed me again. His lips were very symmetrical they're looking really pretty. I touched the lips.

"Pinch my nipples," he said. 

"Like this?" So, I did without questioning. 

"Ah, nice." He said. "Don't hesitate." 

I was pinching his goddamn nipples for a few minutes I got a sore thumb. 


"Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom," I said politely. He then directed me. 

Very funny I found so many scented essential oils on his cabinet, I thought that was interesting. Maybe he's selling that stuff. I sniffed each of them just to check. I did enjoy every of it and gave an opinion in my head. But I didn't take my time though, I didn't want him to think I was doing my shit. 

As I passed the bedroom, I saw someone lying in bed in the darkness, on his laptop.

Meanwhile, that hot uncle was sitting on the sofa with a very odd thingy in his hand. 

"There's someone there," I told him. 

"A friend, that's why we couldn't use the bed. He's visiting." 

I shrugged it off. I thought that must be his boyfriend or some sort.

"You into this?" he asked.

"What's that?"

"Ice, crystal meth."

By the look of his face, I thought he was ready to see my judgment. But I never have seen meth close up before.

"I don't want that," I said. 

"You okay if I do this?" he asked.

I shrugged, "Whatever. I mean, yeah, whatever. Sure if you want."

And then he started burning that thing through a transparent pipe, I don't know what to call it. I just watched him very closely. It's just like in the movies, I thought. Such a handsome face also. 

"Pinch my nipples," he said again as he closed his eyes and inhaling his ice as he meant it.

So, I did, I pinched his nipples hard, and he enjoyed that so much he moaned like a cow, but his dick didn't even hard, I saw that. That's quite anticlimactic, I thought. "You a good person, you don't judge." He said. 

"I do, in silent," I said. Boy, was he laughed, then. 

"Most people ran away after I showed them this. But you, you're not."

"Yes," I said, as I was too lazy to think how to respond. 


And after one hour, I didn't really know where my fingers were. I felt like some sort of a button operator, turning, pinching his goddamn nipples for one fucking hour. 

By almost at the end of the session, that guy from the bedroom came out and we looked at each other. Jeez, was he young and extremely attractive. 

"Hi," he said as he made his way to the toilet.

My fingers were still on hot uncle's nipples. This was very absurd. I liked it. 

I thought the crystal's finished and the guy had enough.

"No more?" I asked. 

He shook his head. He then kissed me a bit.

"Come, I'll check you." He said. 

Boy, was I not prepared, but he came to me and suddenly stood behind me, putting both his hands on my shoulder blade, pinched me to the very bone. Then he moved his hand to my back to my spine to my chest, pinched them as well, then to my head to the skull, and last he shoved his fingers to my mouth to open it to check my teeth. Was this supposed to be sexual for him? I thought curiously. Should I moan?

"You're in good shape and nothing is wrong with you." He said. "You just are not confident. That's about your face. Don't worry about the scar. You're a man. People ignore that. But fix your posture. You'll be a better person. Don't hunch. You'll remember this, I know, fix your posture." 

I didn't know what he was actually doing or saying, but I thanked him anyway. Maybe that's his way of returning favor.

"You call Uber for me again," I demanded this time. He nodded. 


That was a pleasant ride back to the hostel with the Uber, the driver asked me whether I was a Pinoy, and he actually could smell some kind of party soaring from my body. Probably he knew meth. So, I told him I'm a wild duck and I do everything he can imagine.


Alright, the night didn't end then. Back in the hostel, Fahmi was already gone; perhaps he got himself some hook up I didn't know. I sat on the couch, and another message came in the app. Boy, was I exhausted, but the curiosity ate me up. I had not had any sex yet, although it's not an obligation. So, I opened it up, and read this sort of phrase: 

"Where u?" he said. 

"Hostel in Brickfields," I said. 

"Meet?" he asked. 

"Pic?" I asked. 

He sent some. Another uncle in his forties. He looked fine as well. He's in a suit. Yes, daddy. 

But he didn't ask mine. Strange. 

"Meet?" he asked again. 

"Pick me up?" I asked. 


He picked me up within 10 minutes. 

The old Proton car he drove really amused me. It was past midnight. 

"To your place?" I asked. 

"Let's eat," he said. We drove to the KL's corner, where the Chinese food stall is. He ordered everything for me in Mandarin. 

"You no pork?" he guessed. 

"Dick and pork are equally haram, I don't mind having either of them in my mouth," I said. Too bad was he not impressed with my humour. 

He took out a piece of paper and a pen.

"Your birth? Day, hour," he asked. 

I told him unapologetically. Then he started counting shit I didn't understand, running number with diagram. 

"Your shio is ox. You gonna be great at selling stuff. People will trust you. You have it in you. But you're no making money till you forty. Be patient." 

So, I thought maybe he's a psychic. Or that's just the way some people do it on a date. 

"I don't want to pay for this," I said. 

"Free," he said as he gave me the paper full of diagram.

I kept it in my pocket.

After we have done with the food, he took me to his place—which far out of KL, really. He lived in a nice apartment as well. He told me to take a shower and change. He was clean as shit. 

"Take these medicines," he said.

I was cleaning my butt with a towel.

"What those?" I asked.

"Multivitamins." He gave me a bunch of them. Each pill was so huge it could choke you. Wow, I've seen these shits in Oprah, I thought. I took them all and gulped them without hesitation. 

"Good boy," he said. "I sold them. If you join my business, you'll make money. It's direct marketing." 

"That's hot," I said.

"But you like writing, right? It fits you well, you're an artistic person."

I looked at him, a bit impressed. And shrugged it.

Maybe he was really a psychic after all.

We then got into bed and slept side to side. It was a comfortable bed. I could see his picture hanging on the wall, he and his parents. There was no sex at all that night, but I knew that his dick was hard all the time. And he snored loud as a trombone, so I couldn't sleep at all. 

There are more stories about this stuff up in my sleeves, but I couldn't tell you now. Maybe some sort of later. Till then. 

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