"Returning to the village was also an idea from the book that I read. The title was Returning to Reims by Didier Eribon. Certain parts of the book got me really melancholic, especially where the main character decides to remove himself from his family and home and how he wants to reinvent himself. The book was a gift from Eliot. Maybe Eliot felt it would resonate with me and thought that I’d like it. He knew me well because I allowed myself to open up to him. The book has long explanatory sections on politics. I skipped those parts. I didn’t want to know about other people's past worries or about the problems of their country, especially those who lived in places very different from mine. I was more interested in his soul, his stories and all his personal problems because he and I are both humans with feelings. And don’t fool me with bullshit, but you understand feelings. You can always recognise someone else’s feelings and think of them as your own. Especially pains.
I say this because I see myself first as a human being, then as a writer, and so on, maybe then as an Indonesian, with my sexuality, then religion. This is the hierarchy that I adhere to as a principle. What I mean is, I could be kicked out of whatever country I'm currently in and placed in another one, losing my citizenship. It wouldn't matter because I'm not going to stop being a writer. And when my writing activities are taken away, people must understand that I am only human, which is the same as other humans wherever they are."
(deleted paragraphs from my current draft.)
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