bad poem

Check in.
what were you doing with your life recently?
coming to the store because everything is shining right.
eyeing the illusion of the neon lights
on the ceiling,
and you checked your pulse of your vein
and in your heart,
the right rhythm,
so feverish and maddening,
you try so hard for your luck
in love,
I saw you in the corner of the store.
your palms open, begging compassion
from people who passed you by
What you good at is to throw the lighter,
after you bathed the store with a bucket of kerosene
with the chips and candies in it.
That's what make you smile:
To see the fire.
Have mercy to yourself said the Fat Gandhi.
I pray to him every week.
he told me to not play with the mud,
which I have been drinking,
I thought they were the water.
x Nuril
5 Jan 24

Now rain

I'm mostly melancholic tonight, partly anhedonic, a little happy but not sleepy Because not only the rain finally, but how insane it is to feel love and want to give your life away for it.
insufferable but nice just by seeing their smile your world is turned upside, over and down.
Love is such a factor in our life, its insanity makes stories. million love songs, seven universes of poetries, ten pages of novel, telling the same thing, love. love. again again. Such a boring and cheesy word. Overtly used, so cheap. But we crave the meaning anyway. Mother feeds their baby, someone waits in the lobby. That is magic, no? Love creates such chaos in our already broken minds. So intense yet so pretty. My heart is always racing now, thinking one I love.
I can remember things like that. I can even remember things I don't really have. It's very nice tonight. My brother, my lover, my friends, them I haven't seen in long time. I talked to them in my heart. So clear like in daylight.

x Nuril
30 May 24

tip of your tongue

You see when you step outside of your room you start to see hundreds of other people, and even if you don't talk to them, you still can imagine what kind of lives they have, what their stories, if they're thinking about something else other than what's been painted on their faces. Maybe they're worried or happy, who knows ? But you can always wonder.
But when you stay inside your room, there will be only you and you alone, and so you can talk to yourself because there's nobody else, and so you will repeat the same questions, ones where you don't understand or have the answer to, again and again until it's enough although it will never be. You can go back to certain time to rewind the moments because you have too many space between your eyebrows. And you're just like that, every minute every hour every day inside your room, just talking to yourself and the loneliness is in the tip of your tongue.

x Nuril
21 Apr 24